She

It was last night that mom called and told me that she went home, forever. I couldn't believe the heartbreaking fact that she left us already. I just had a conversation with her the night before. She told me that she was sick, and that she felt weak, no sign of leaving.....but......

I was holding back so hard, trying to smile as I told my friends. In a way, I assume, to protect myself from being hurt. It was that one hug that broke me down. Tears start rolling down my cheek as I was walking back home at midnight. I cried even harder as I approached my apartment, then stop, thinking that there's no point crying now. Started talking on the phone, keep myself occupied with practice, homework, and work.

At 3a.m, I finally went to bed. The emptiness in the room, the silence haunts me. I felt lost, burst out crying like a child. Trying to think of all the good times we had when I was a little girl. Trying hard to think of the number of times when I actually said, I love you popo, or kiss her on her cheek whenever I leave her house...or telling her about christ. I don't remember...

I wished I had done more than merely going for dinner at the house...I wished I had called her more often...I wished I had told her that I love her so much the last time we talked..most of all, I wished she accepted christ.

It's all too late now, isn't it? ....

She, my beloved grandmother, may she rest in peace. Amen.