Awaken

Don't remember when we stop caring for each other, we just did.
We stop spending time together.
We stop paying attention to one another.
We stop making up excuses for the late replies.
We stop all that we had before.
We stop, because it doesn’t matter anymore, to you and me.

It was painful at first. I cried, I complained, and put the blame on you. You replied with ignorance. I cried even more.

Standing against the glass door of the train, I looked into my reflection.
I must have realized how fragile I looked, how vulnerable I appeared to be.
A sense of guilt was creeping up my back.

Silence filled the train. It was there and then, it all stopped.

Can't stop them from falling

Drop after drop, they kept falling. I had some how lost control over them.

My heart aches, literally. I felt the pain physically. This time, it is different.

Are we just going to sit here, do nothing, when the murderer gets away for all that he had done?
when the parents are mourning over the lost of their eight year old? when society do not care anymore? Are we then going to go with the flow, because that is the norm, or are we going to take a stand, and fight? I wonder.

Then, I wonder, what can I do? Drop after drop, they fall again, and again.

9a.m on Thursday

I kept reminding myself that every 9a.m class is an opportunity. An opportunity that many do not have. Therefore, I should attend every single 9a.m class, Tuesday to Friday, without fail. So far, I have been doing all right, attending classes, as well as paying attention in most of the classes, occasionally, wandering off somewhere else in my little mind. However, this 9.am class on Thursday, erggghh..I just cannot get myself motivated enough to go to class. I already skipped class on the first week, and today, as I was getting ready to go for the class, the christian science church bell rang, stopping after 9 times, I found myself unable to decide whether or not to go for class. I can go online, drop this class (last week of add drop), do it next semester, and I can still get my tuition fee refund. So, I went online, and the first thing that I saw was..

NEW EMAIL from xxx. CLASS CANCELLATION.

Maybe I should just drop the class, and I do not have to worry about waking up at 9a.m. on Thursdays anymore, for the rest of the semester. Then I thought, maybe, I should keep believing in myself, that I can wake up at 9a.m, and attend all the classes. What other assurance do you need, when He already believed in you?

9a.m every Thursday.

The Minority

I often think of myself as part of the majority. However, I came to realize that I am actually part of the minority. The minority that does not need to worry about working their way through college, that are able make their dreams come true, that have parents who are loving and supportive of whatever it is that they are doing, that do not need to worry about paying back loans as soon as they graduate, that are fed well, dress well and so on.

For all these, I thank my parents. Without their support, both financially and mentally, I would not have made it so far. So, thank you daddy and mommy.

3 Months Later

I am still here. I am still waiting. and I am still searching.

It's annoying. It really is. I am on the verge of giving up.

So, please call out to me. anything. anytime.

All I need right now, is to hear your voice.

And, only yours.

The start of fall semester hasn't been exactly smooth. The cold is once again back. I might have to move, for the 3rd time. and my schedule is a mess.